ETA: Reading it in the morning, this ended up a little more ranty and a little less pointed than I had intended. My point is this: even among people who are theoretically close to the ideal, the "the thinner the better" game and negative body-talk are pervasive. I can't speak for people who have faced problems because of their weight, but I can speak for people who SHOULD be happy with the way they look -- and how they are not. I'm always hearing people find a reason to dislike their body -- there will always BE reasons for everyone, btw -- and I can't say I've ever heard someone tell me, "I'm happy with the way I look."
Hi, lovelies, whatever few lovelies may occasionally check this page. I have been doing several thousand words of writing this week but haven't been blogging them because they were mostly handwritten.
Forewarning: long blog. Rant blog. Mostly unrelated to writing.
Today, while I was wandering around the interwebz, I discovered two things.
The first was this statistic, posted on Facebook: "42% of first to third-grade girls want to be thinner. 80% of ten-year-old American girls say they have been on a diet. 53% of 13-year-old girls are unhappy with their bodies – a number that increases to 78% by age 17"
The second was this contest. [link]
The writing-related bit: I'll be sidetracking briefly from the novel to work on a story for this contest. I'm writing less in interest of winning a contest but because the more healthy female role models out there, the better.
The rant:
You know one thing that really bugs me? Body talk.
Before I go into why, let me make it clear that I am not in a real position of experience here. At twenty years old I'm still stick-skinny, and I'm generally pretty uninterested in the way I look. As long as I'm clean and relatively healthy, I don't especially care what I look like when I walk out the door. (And yes, I'm sure that's in large part because I've never struggled with my weight, but it's also because I don't pay a hell of a lot of attention to what people look like.) Body talk and body image has been on my mind a lot lately nonetheless, and I think I still have a right to talk about it.
There is a particular incident that got me thinking about how much girls talk about their weight, and how much of it is negative. A few weeks ago, somebody brought pie into work. I am a glutton for sweets at work, so when it was brought out I dived in shamelessly. A co-worker did the same, but only after saying with an embarrassed chuckle, "It's not like I need the extra calories."
Was this woman taller than me? Yes. Was she any heavier, proportionally? NO.
I don't understand why people seem to think that thinner is always better. Contrary to common expectations, I lost weight rather than gaining it my freshman year of college. And - although I never mentioned it at the time - it absolutely infuriated me when I went home and got a whole bunch of compliments about how I was skinnier.
Wait, what? I'm already MUCH thinner than the average twenty (then nineteen-) year old. Those nice pretty soft curves some women get? Not my body type. And yet, for some reason, I was getting COMPLIMENTS for losing weight? You'd think it would be a cause for concern.
I brought this up to my dad when he offered a compliment of his own. "It's not like I needed to lose it," I said.
He laughed. "Trust me. Look at some pictures. You had the weight to lose."
Okay, HOLD UP. Since when does "has weight to lose" equate to "needs to lose weight"?* I personally think that curves are VERY pretty - way prettier than the stick-shape that is the current ideal. And muscle? Healthy, attractive, and a sign (a WAY stronger sign than makeup, btw) that you're putting in effort to take care of your body.
Another comment I get a lot -- mostly from other girls at college -- is about how I can eat whatever I want, wear whatever I want, etc. since I'm so thin. This bothers me for two reasons.
First off: my size is NOT the most important factor in my eating habits or my fashion choice. If I eat healthy food, it's because I want to be healthy. If I eat junk food, it's because it tastes good and I lack self-control. My weight doesn't even enter into it. (And yes, again - I am lucky. I have never struggled with my size. It might be different if I was born in a different body - but I don't want to think so. I've never really understood the need to match an ideal independent of my personal values, physically or otherwise.)
The other problem: this is NOT a real compliment. It is ALWAYS a comparison, and it is ALMOST always a put-down. At best, people are complimenting me for matching an ideal shape through no particular effort of my own, which makes me feel like a fake and a sham. At worst, they are comparing me to their own (less skinny) bodies, and so making THEMSELVES feel bad about their size. Which I hate. My shape does not exist to make you feel guilty about yours. I appreciate compliments, but please understand that a comparison is not a real compliment -- it's a measurement.
Which brings me to the reason that body talk bothers me oh, so, much. People come in such a VAST array of shapes and sizes. Why are we all striving to look the same? Why do we have to match ourselves to one ideal? Why does X's curves have to be better than Y's, A's hair nicer than B's, Z's eyes so much more gorgeous than W's? Why can't we be happy with what we have?
Beauty is not in your makeup. It is not in your weight. It is not in your eyes or the way you do your hair. True beauty comes from a willingness to smile, an honest comfort with your body, and the simple charisma that comes from loving life. So screw the talk about how you could lose a couple pounds or how you really hate your new haircut. You are gorgeous just as you are.
And just to be totally clear, in case I've made you think I don't like my own body with all this talk about how I'm too skinny: I love my hair. I love my eyes. I love my face, and I love my hands -- even if my fingers are short and make playing music a pain in the butt -- and I love my feet -- even though I can never find flats that fit. Maybe I could have used a different nose or a curvier body, but you know what -- the body I have is MINE and I would never trade it for another one. Even if it means I will never match some standard of perfect, I would NEVER want to look in the mirror and see anyone other than me.
(*To be fair: the contrast wasn't so blatant in the actual conversation. It was a year ago now, so I only remember the gist of it.)
