When the one bad egg ruins it for the others

Hi, all, that is to say, my dear blog of general invisibility. I'm currently hanging out on the opposite coast, in the (not) sunny state of (not) warm California. Touring San Fransisco for the weekend, which is gorgeous, foggy, and not the sort of place you want to wear capris. Anyway, I thought it was time for another random non-writing-related blog post.

So when I'm home for the holidays I work in the city, at a company that manufactures infectious diseases for research use. (Yes, you read that right: I work for a company that makes viruses. The human kind. Which is pretty awesome bragging rights, even if I'm just Paperwork Girl.) This company is located on the Medical Campus - not a college campus, just an area that has a lot of (bio)medical companies/facilities - which is an...unusual part of town, to say the least. On the one hand, you have all the doctors and interns and businesspeople heading to work, to lunch, to their car, etc. On the other, you have a bunch of, uh, interesting other types who live or work in non-medical occupations nearby. (Case in point: the time a coworker came back laughing from our labs next door because she'd seen a pimp carrying a cane. Or how a different one asks me all the time if I get freaked out walking the two blocks or so from the building to the lot, since I leave several hours earlier than anyone else and I'm always walking alone.)

Normally this does not bother me in the least. I mean, I'm crossing Main St., for goodness sake, and there's medical folk all over -- I'm reasonably sure that if something weird happened I could give a shout, and SOMEONE would notice and help me out. And I've always got my cell phone in my pocket.

But the other day, I had crossed the street and was headed toward the lot when this guy -- same side of the street, but with a parked car between him and the sidewalk -- starts talking at me. Started off with, "Hey, sweetie" and I basically tuned it out from there, because when someone addresses you like that, the nicest sort of thing you're going to hear will be massively objectifying. I just put my head down, pretended not to hear him, and kept walking, which (a) made me feel like a bit of an ass (despite the circumstances) because I don't particularly enjoy pretending people don't exist, and (b) was rather humiliating, because I very much would have liked to turn on him and inform him that no, he would not call me "sweetie," he had no effin idea if I was a sweetie or not, it was none of his goddamn business what kind of a person I was, and unless he had somehow become a member of my immediate family he would apologize IMMEDIATELY and never call me that in such a demeaning way ever again. Except, yanno, I'm a skinny stick of a girl and for all I knew that could have been his provocation to sling me over one shoulder and carry me off to murder me somewhere.

I could go on for hours about how that's wrong and an obvious example of misogyny in the world today, etc. etc. I think most decent people already know that, though, and my point is actually quite different.

Today I had to drop by Walgreens so I could pick up some contact solution (didn't have any travel size for the plane). As I was walking out of the store, I accidentally caught the eye of a random guy. I saw that he was unshaven and not well-dressed, which immediately classified him as Not a Tourist and therefore Potential Trouble in my head.

He smiled at me and said, "Hi, lovely." I was skeeved out, faked a smile, and dropped eye contact as quick as possible.

He stopped at the bus shelter I was walking past, and I saw him out of the corner of my eye as he held out a plastic shopping bag to a guy sitting there. I caught just a snatch of what he was saying -- "Yeah, here, I've got..." and realized suddenly that he must be homeless, and so was the guy he was talking to, and they were eating their dinner out of a plastic shopping bag under a bus shelter.

And then I thought back and realized that when he said, "Hi, lovely," he was not trying to pick me up or make a crass comment or otherwise take advantage of me. The eye contact, the smile, the tone of voice -- it was all too genuine for him to be an insecure ass trying to demonstrate his power over some random girl in the street. No: he happened to catch my eye and I seemed like a lovely person to him, so he addressed me as such. There's something simple and wonderful in that kind of sincerity -- pulling a word free of all its connotations and saying it exactly as it's supposed to be -- and I bet 95% of the world's population couldn't pull it off.

And here I had just scurried away from him like he'd been mocking me.

I wish I could say I went back and apologized and explained myself, but I'm not that brave. I stood on the corner of the road a few yards away trying to figure out what had just happened, until my dad pulled up to take me back to the hotel.

So there you go, asshole: the worst harm you did with your comments wasn't to make a random person going about her daily business uncomfortable, although they certainly did that. They prevented a real smile and a genuine "thank-you" from going to a guy who lives on kind words and spare change. Brilliant job.

And dear homeless person: I appreciate the compliment. I really do. I wish I'd stopped to tell you that, now, and I hope my reaction wasn't hurtful - although I'm sure it cuts deep every time a person judges you before they've even given you a full look. I bet you see a lot more than I do and know a lot more than you realize, and I hope you have a good night.

A bit of a side project

ETA: Reading it in the morning, this ended up a little more ranty and a little less pointed than I had intended. My point is this: even among people who are theoretically close to the ideal, the "the thinner the better" game and negative body-talk are pervasive. I can't speak for people who have faced problems because of their weight, but I can speak for people who SHOULD be happy with the way they look -- and how they are not. I'm always hearing people find a reason to dislike their body -- there will always BE reasons for everyone, btw -- and I can't say I've ever heard someone tell me, "I'm happy with the way I look."


Hi, lovelies, whatever few lovelies may occasionally check this page. I have been doing several thousand words of writing this week but haven't been blogging them because they were mostly handwritten.

Forewarning: long blog. Rant blog. Mostly unrelated to writing.


Today, while I was wandering around the interwebz, I discovered two things.

The first was this statistic, posted on Facebook: "42% of first to third-grade girls want to be thinner. 80% of ten-year-old American girls say they have been on a diet. 53% of 13-year-old girls are unhappy with their bodies – a number that increases to 78% by age 17"

The second was this contest. [link]

The writing-related bit: I'll be sidetracking briefly from the novel to work on a story for this contest. I'm writing less in interest of winning a contest but because the more healthy female role models out there, the better.


The rant:

You know one thing that really bugs me? Body talk.

Before I go into why, let me make it clear that I am not in a real position of experience here. At twenty years old I'm still stick-skinny, and I'm generally pretty uninterested in the way I look. As long as I'm clean and relatively healthy, I don't especially care what I look like when I walk out the door. (And yes, I'm sure that's in large part because I've never struggled with my weight, but it's also because I don't pay a hell of a lot of attention to what people look like.) Body talk and body image has been on my mind a lot lately nonetheless, and I think I still have a right to talk about it.

There is a particular incident that got me thinking about how much girls talk about their weight, and how much of it is negative. A few weeks ago, somebody brought pie into work. I am a glutton for sweets at work, so when it was brought out I dived in shamelessly. A co-worker did the same, but only after saying with an embarrassed chuckle, "It's not like I need the extra calories."

Was this woman taller than me? Yes. Was she any heavier, proportionally? NO.


I don't understand why people seem to think that thinner is always better. Contrary to common expectations, I lost weight rather than gaining it my freshman year of college. And - although I never mentioned it at the time - it absolutely infuriated me when I went home and got a whole bunch of compliments about how I was skinnier.

Wait, what? I'm already MUCH thinner than the average twenty (then nineteen-) year old. Those nice pretty soft curves some women get? Not my body type. And yet, for some reason, I was getting COMPLIMENTS for losing weight? You'd think it would be a cause for concern.

I brought this up to my dad when he offered a compliment of his own. "It's not like I needed to lose it," I said.
He laughed. "Trust me. Look at some pictures. You had the weight to lose."

Okay, HOLD UP. Since when does "has weight to lose" equate to "needs to lose weight"?* I personally think that curves are VERY pretty - way prettier than the stick-shape that is the current ideal. And muscle? Healthy, attractive, and a sign (a WAY stronger sign than makeup, btw) that you're putting in effort to take care of your body.


Another comment I get a lot -- mostly from other girls at college -- is about how I can eat whatever I want, wear whatever I want, etc. since I'm so thin. This bothers me for two reasons.

First off: my size is NOT the most important factor in my eating habits or my fashion choice. If I eat healthy food, it's because I want to be healthy. If I eat junk food, it's because it tastes good and I lack self-control. My weight doesn't even enter into it. (And yes, again - I am lucky. I have never struggled with my size. It might be different if I was born in a different body - but I don't want to think so. I've never really understood the need to match an ideal independent of my personal values, physically or otherwise.)

The other problem: this is NOT a real compliment. It is ALWAYS a comparison, and it is ALMOST always a put-down. At best, people are complimenting me for matching an ideal shape through no particular effort of my own, which makes me feel like a fake and a sham. At worst, they are comparing me to their own (less skinny) bodies, and so making THEMSELVES feel bad about their size. Which I hate. My shape does not exist to make you feel guilty about yours. I appreciate compliments, but please understand that a comparison is not a real compliment -- it's a measurement.


Which brings me to the reason that body talk bothers me oh, so, much. People come in such a VAST array of shapes and sizes. Why are we all striving to look the same? Why do we have to match ourselves to one ideal? Why does X's curves have to be better than Y's, A's hair nicer than B's, Z's eyes so much more gorgeous than W's? Why can't we be happy with what we have?

Beauty is not in your makeup. It is not in your weight. It is not in your eyes or the way you do your hair. True beauty comes from a willingness to smile, an honest comfort with your body, and the simple charisma that comes from loving life. So screw the talk about how you could lose a couple pounds or how you really hate your new haircut. You are gorgeous just as you are.

And just to be totally clear, in case I've made you think I don't like my own body with all this talk about how I'm too skinny: I love my hair. I love my eyes. I love my face, and I love my hands -- even if my fingers are short and make playing music a pain in the butt -- and I love my feet -- even though I can never find flats that fit. Maybe I could have used a different nose or a curvier body, but you know what -- the body I have is MINE and I would never trade it for another one. Even if it means I will never match some standard of perfect, I would NEVER want to look in the mirror and see anyone other than me.

(*To be fair: the contrast wasn't so blatant in the actual conversation. It was a year ago now, so I only remember the gist of it.)

ok time to be reasonable

...because clearly, I'm going to crash and burn before we even hit July.

I've decided to tone down my Writing Hours. 3 hours a day is reasonable when I'm only taking two classes, but during a full semester? Not so much. And next semester's going to be even more busy...

So.

My old schedule: 3 hrs/day Mon-Fri, min; 5 hrs/day Mon-Fri or 30 hours total Mon-Sun max

My new schedule: 2 hrs/day Mon-Fri, min; 4 hrs/day Mon-Fri or 20 hours total Mon-Sat max

Hopefully this will help me retain my muse and sanity. You'll notice that hours for this have been adjusted back at the beginning of the week semester.

Oh and. Official New Writing Time. 4-6pm. Done.

Elaboration on The Game Plan Part 1

FML THIS POST IS DUMB I KEEP HAVING TO REDO THE CODING. BLOGGER YOUR NEW FORMAT IS DUMB. DUMB DUMB.

So, I've pretty well been wandering aimlessly with this whole research business. Up to this point, that's been okay, because there's just been so much to learn and virtually everything is useful to know (if not exactly relevant).

However...in the interest of finishing this book within my lifetime, and to maximize efficiency (as my loving father would put it), I'm going to come up with some specific research questions.

GENERAL
- Develop a map of the area I'll be writing about.
- Spend 1hr/day on language (studying, practicing or developing).
- Try to level the playing field in terms of battle & scientific development - as is appropriate per culture.

-
THE QUORIAN EMPIRE (~3 weeks/45 hrs)

Politics, justice, and class
- Who has power in the Empire? What person, what group of people? What kind of power do they have, with what limits, and who puts them in power?
- How is the political system structured? The judicial system?
- What are the Empire's views on women? Other races? How do Quorians feel about sexuality?
- What are the Empire's social classes?
- How do these things impact my main characters, and what other characters do I need to flesh out because of them?
- What is the basic unit of community in Quorina? How are families structured? What is their importance?

Economics, livelihood, survival
- How does the Empire make money? With whom does it trade?
- How do individuals make a living within different classes? What sorts of jobs are there in different parts of the Empire and how are the lives (and wages) of the people who hold them?

Religion & magic
- What is the Quorian religion like? How do they view other religions?
- Religion vs. magic? What's their take on magic and how does it relate to religion?
- What are their major dieties, theologies and practices?

Language & geography
(- Learn Latin, and develop Quorian. This is the first language I'm taking a stab at because it's equivalent to English in the novel: most of the names in the books will be Quorian/Quorinized, but you'll see very little straight-out translation. (Also, it's an easy language to learn).)
(- Develop the geography of, and around, all important areas in the novel:)
--- Quorina
--- Cova
--- Alcara
...and I'll continue to build the list as I plot. (This means maps.)
- What is travel like in different areas of the Empire? How is communication affected?

Science & the arts
- Who is literate in the Empire? Of what importance is the written word?
- What languages doe(s) the average Quorian speak?
- What sort of scientific development does the Empire have? What is their approach to science and how does it differ from the modern day?
(- What is their calendar like?)
(- Of what importance are the arts (music, sculpture, performing arts, visual arts, literature, etc.) and who is involved with them?)

Military
- How do the Quorians wage war -- what is their general approach? Are they stronger on land? In the sea? In the air?
- How is their military structured? - What weapons do they use? Transportation? What are their uniforms like?
- Common tactics/strategies?

History
- How did Quorina come to control an empire?
- Legendary history of the city? Where does it blend into factual history?
- Important historical figures/events? - as relevant

Misc. culture & daily life
- How does the average Quorian see the world? What is most important?
- How do Quorians spend their leisure time? What sort of leisure time do they have?
- What do people wear? Eat? What do their houses look like?

-
ALCARAN PROVINCE (~2 weeks/30 hrs)
Politics, justice, and class
- Who has power in Alcara? Who do they report to?
- How does the political system differ from the rest of the Empire's? Their class system? Their views of women, sexuality & minorities?
- What is the basic unit of community in Alcara? How are families structured? What is their importance?
- Where does Kieran fit in to all this?

Economics, livelihood, survival
- How does Alcara benefit the Empire? What use is it economically? (Politically?)
- How do individuals make a living within different classes? What sorts of jobs are there in different parts of the province and how are the lives (and wages) of the people who hold them?

Religion & magic
- How does the Alcaran take on religion differ from the rest of the Empire's? Magic?
(- What are their major deities, theologies and practices (if different from the rest of the Empire)?)

Language & geography
(- Learn a bit of Arabic, if the opportunity arises, for place-naming. Or maybe Coptic.)
(- Develop the geography of, and around, the city of Alcara and the river that feeds it.)
- What is travel like in Alcara? How is communication affected? How do they get from Quorina to Alcara?

Science & the arts
- Who is literate in the Alcara? Of what importance is the written word?
- What languages does the average Alcaran speak - is Quorian or their native language more prevalent?
(- Do they have any scientific or artistic advances that are further (or simply different) from Quorina's?)
(- Of what importance are the arts (music, sculpture, performing arts, visual arts, literature, etc.) and who is involved with them?)

Military
(- Do the Alcarans have a different approach to Quorina in war? How so, and is it more or less effective?)
(- Do they have their own military?)
(- What weapons do they use? Transportation? What are their uniforms like?)
(- Common tactics/strategies?)

History
- Who ruled Alcara before it came to belong to Quorina? Do the people remember the ancient rulers fondly or do they prefer the Quorians?
- How did the Quorians come to possess Alcara? (That is a fun story.)
(- Legendary history of the city/territory? Where does it blend into factual history?)
(- Important historical figures/events? - as relevant)

Misc. culture & daily life
- How does the average Alcaran see the world? What is most important?
(- How do Alcarans spend their leisure time? What sort of leisure time do they have?)
- What do people wear? Eat? What do their houses look like?

-
THE NOMADS (~2 weeks/30 hrs)

Politics, justice, and class
- Who has power among the nomads? What person, what group of people? What kind of power do they have, with what limits, and who puts them in power?
- How is the political system structured? The judicial system?
- What are the nomads' views on women and sexuality? Other races?
- What are the nomads' social classes (if existent)?
- How do these things impact Kieran, and what other characters do I need to flesh out because of them?
- What is the basic unit of community among the nomads? How are families structured? What is their importance?

Economics, livelihood, survival
- How do the nomads make a living? Do they have money? Barter? Do they trade with people of other nationalities (i.e. the Alcarans)?
- How do they survive in the desert? How has their lifestyle developed because of it?

Religion & magic
- What is the nomadic religion like? How do they view other religions?
- Religion vs. magic? What's their take on magic and how does it relate to religion?
- What are their major deities, theologies and practices?

Language & geography
(- Learn a bit of Arabic...or at least about Arabic...for naming purposes. /wince)
(- Develop maps, if it is relevant.)
- How do the nomads travel? How often? How do they keep in touch?

Science & the arts
- Do the nomads have a written language or are they a primarily oral culture? What is the importance of the written word, and of memorization/stories/histories?
- What languages does the average nomad speak?
- What sort of scientific development do the nomads have? What is their approach to science and how does it differ from the modern day?
- What is their calendar like?
- Of what importance are the arts (music, sculpture, performing arts, visual arts, literature, etc.) and who is involved with them?

Military
- How do the nomads wage war -- what is their general approach? How does this work to their advantage, or disadvantage -- especially when fighting the Quorians/Alcarans?
- How is their military structured, inasmuch as it is a military?
- What weapons do they use? Transportation? Do they have uniforms?
- Common tactics/strategies?

History
- What are their legends? Their histories? Where do the two blur? As relevant.

Misc. culture & daily life
- How does the average nomad see the world? What is most important?
- How do the nomads spend their leisure time? What sort of leisure time do they have?
- What do people wear? Eat? What do their houses look like?

-
THE KILINGR (~3 weeks/45 hrs)

Politics, justice, and class
- Who has power among the Kilingr? What person, what group of people? What kind of power do they have, with what limits, and who puts them in power?
- How is the political system structured, if it is extensively? The judicial system?
- What are the Kilingr's views on women? Sexuality? Other races?
- What are the Kilingr's social classes?
- How does Erika fit in with all this?
- What is the basic unit of community among the Kilingr? How are families structured? What is their importance?

Economics, livelihood, survival
(- How do the Kilingr make money? Is there a national economy or is it each his own? With whom do they trade?)
- How do individuals make a living within different classes? What sorts of jobs are there in different parts of the Empire and how are the lives (and wages) of the people who hold them?

Religion & magic
- What is the Kilingr religion like? How do they view other religions?
- Religion vs. magic? What's their take on magic and how does it relate to religion?
- What are their major dieties, theologies and practices?

Language & geography
(- Learn Old Norse. /groan It's kind of important to the story, though.)
- Develop the geography of, and around, all important areas in the novel:
--- where Lucian is taken when enslaved
--- Erika's homestead
--- any cities of political importance
...and I'll continue to build the list as I plot. (This means maps.)
- What is travel like in different areas among the Kilingr? How is communication affected?

Science & the arts
- Who is literate among the Kilingr? Of what importance is the written word?
- What languages does the average Kilingr speak?
(- What sort of scientific development do the Kilingrs have? What is their approach to science and how does it differ from the modern day?)
- What is their calendar like?
(- Of what importance are the arts (music, sculpture, performing arts, visual arts, literature, etc.) and who is involved with them?)

Military
- How do the Kilingr wage war -- what is their general approach? Are they stronger on land? In the sea? In the air?
- How is their military structured, if they have one organized?
- What weapons do they use? Transportation? What are their uniforms like?
- Common tactics/strategies?

History
- What are the legends among the Kilingr? Where do they blend with history, if at all?
- Important historical figures/events? - as relevant

Misc. culture & daily life
- How does the average Kilingr see the world? What is most important?
- How do the Kilingr spend their leisure time? What sort of leisure time do they have?
- What do people wear? Eat? What do their houses look like?

-
ERIKA'S PEOPLE (~5 weeks/75 hrs)

Politics, justice, and class
- Who has power among Erika's people? What person, what group of people? What kind of power do they have, with what limits, and who puts them in power?
- How is the political system structured? The judicial system?
- What are their views on women? Sexuality? Other races?
- What are their social classes?
- Where does Erika fit in?
- What is the basic unit of community? How are families structured? What is their importance?

Economics, livelihood, survival
- How do they make money, individually or as a civilization? With whom do they trade?
- How do individuals make a living within different classes? What sorts of jobs are there and how are the lives (and wages) of the people who hold them?

Religion & magic
- What is their religion like? How do they view other religions?
- Religion vs. magic? What's their take on magic and how does it relate to religion?
- What are their major dieties, theologies and practices?

Language & geography
(- Language - god, I don't even know...)
- Develop the geography.
- What is travel like? How is communication affected?

Science & the arts
- Who is literate? Of what importance is the written word?
- What languages does the average person speak?
(- What sort of scientific development do they have? What is their approach to science and how does it differ from the modern day?)
- What is their calendar like?
(- Of what importance are the arts (music, sculpture, performing arts, visual arts, literature, etc.) and who is involved with them?)

War
- How do they wage war -- what is their general approach? Are they stronger on land? In the sea? In the air?
- How is their military structured, if they have one organized?
- What weapons do they use? Transportation? What are their uniforms like?
- Common tactics/strategies?

History
- Legendary history? Where does it blend into factual history?
- Important historical figures/events? - as relevant

Misc. culture & daily life
- How does the average person see the world?
- How do they spend their leisure time? What sort of leisure time do they have?
- What do people wear? Eat? What do their houses look like?


-
...leaving about a week for miscellaneous research/falling-behind time. And you know, that's just some general stuff for starters. I'm sure I could come up with a dozen more questions for each of them with a bit of thought.

Game Plan

SPRING 2012 SEMESTER
By May 18th, 2012, I want to be finished with the bulk of the worldbuilding. That's 255 hours. Sounds like a lot, but I have to...

• Figure out the political and economic systems for the Quorian Empire.
  
• Figure out Erika's culture in its entirety: politics, economics, values, religion, language...
  
• Figure out the political & economic system of the Kilingr, and how Erika's family features in them.
  
• Figure out the culture of the province in which Kieran was raised.
  
• Get a grasp of Latin, Old Norse, possibly Arabic, and who-knows-the-hell-what-language for Erika so that I can make a reasonable map.
  
• Make a reasonable map.
  
• Figure out the specifics of religion/magic for each culture and how they mirror the spirit world.
  
• Investigate a variety of small specific subjects relevant to the story: for instance, what was the life of Augustus Caesar like? How did the Romans, Egyptians, and Bedouin view death & mourning? What sort of weapons did the Romans use, and the Vikings, and how can I level the playing field? And so on...

Should be fun. :)


SUMMER 2012
Plot plot plot. Character building. The groundwork for the world is laid; now time to lay the groundwork for the specific story.

• Profiles for each character
  
• Overall plot/story arc
  
• Story arc for each major character

FALL 2012 SEMESTER
Start writing?
One can hope...

....and beyond

I DID IT! Woohoo!

So it's been a semester and I've survived. I've fallen behind 45+ hours more than once...and made it up!

I've still got a looooong way to go with my novel, though. I haven't got a draft, I haven't even got a real plot...I've only begun to dip into the research! While I ended up impossibly far behind at the end of the semester, and this semester promises to be even busier...I don't want to stop. I'm gonna keep going with this. Stick with me (if you're even here) -- I'm in this for the long haul!

I changed the name of the blog appropriately. I'm probably gonna rename it again, as this is kind of meant to be more of an unmasking than a masquerade? But it's a pretty word and I'm worn out so I'll keep it for tonight.

THE LAST DAYS

DAY 108 - JANUARY 18th, 2012

Time Spent: 1 hour 45 minutes

What I Did: Latin. Bit of Bedouin research. Then my day kinda got turned upside down.

-
DAY 109 - JANUARY 19th, 2012

Time Spent: 2 hours

What I Did: Latin. Uhhh Bedouin stuff I think. Wordplay.

-
DAY 110 - JANUARY 20th, 2012

Time Spent: 4 hours

What I Did: Latin. Bounced back and forth between research stuff and writing because I was tired and unfocused.

3 New Discoveries:
1) New template!

2) I've been confusing the year...all this year, on this blog.

3) The new book on the Bedouin isn't exactly a reliable source...I would find a quote but I'm tired.

-
DAY 111! - JANUARY 21st, 2011

Time Spent: Zip.

Time Still Owed: 1 hour

What I Did: Ran around all day pretending I was a leaderish type. And sneezed and failed to breathe, a lot.